A House Undivided

Before I got sober, I would drink daily and heavily, and I did what so many of us have done— I got extremely drunk and went shopping for a GREENHOUSE.

Drunken shopping was not unusual for me. However, on this particular occasion, I seem to have missed the part about how the greenhouse would be arriving to my residence FULLY ASSEMBLED, not built on site the way I erroneously assumed.

It showed up on a massive trailer bed, and I honestly can’t remember how they eventually got it past my huge fence and into the backyard. My main recollection from that day is being told that if I didn’t find a way to get my fence knocked down within the hour, they were going to just plop the greenhouse in the front yard and leave it there.

I frantically pleaded with them to please not do that. Nothing says to the neighborhood, “I have a DRINKING PROBLEM” quite like a greenhouse on the front lawn.